Frankie Rodriquez

When I provide pastoral care for couples, the issues they are dealing with are often compounded by poor communication. I find that we work on creating good communication habits first, for without these skills navigating the waters of turbulent issues in marriage is difficult at best.

So here are a couple of hints for you husbands. Now, don’t think that it is only your problem. Clearly, CO-mmunication requires two people. Nonetheless, your communication praxis can be greatly improved by working on these tools.

LISTENING
There is no communication without listening. If you are not listening you are not honoring your wife and giving her the biblical respect that God has for her. When you listen first, you will discover that God might actually be speaking to you through her. I know that bothers our macho self. Get over it. You are not highly favored over your wife.

LET HER FINISH HER…
This really is a common prob… This happens because you think you know what she is going to sa… But, you do not have the foreknowledge to be absolutely certa… In fact, you will discover that she has something new to add that you didn’t expe… Even if she does say what you think she is going to say, you will come across as more engage if you let her finish her sent… Even if she is using a loud voice, you might cut her off after “I have had…” thinking she is going to finish with “had enough.” Imagine if you let her finish and she finishes with “God tell me to submit to you, so I want to! Help me!” Therefore, to practice good communication—let her finish her sentences before you speak.

THE MESSIAH COMPLEX
Simply put—you are not the savior of the discussion, issue, problem, argument, nor your perception of her faulty thinking. Listen to her. Don’t try to fix her. You don’t have to win. All you have to do is listen and pray while you are listening. Ask God to speak through you to her. Ask God to speak to you through her.

SAFE REFUGE
Be the place where she can share all her feelings and thoughts. She should not have to be reserved around you because you dismiss her feelings, or you disregard them, or you challenge the “silliness” of those feelings. Your wife should feel as if the only place she can go to share her deepest, innermost self is with you, her husband. Be assured that she will share them with someone. It might be a dear female friend, but it should be you. It might be a dear male friend, but that could easily become disastrous to your marriage. Man up and be the person to whom she can go and find safe refuge for all those things that are roiling inside her.

PRAY TOGETHER
There are no excuses for not doing this. No good ones anyway. None. God wants you to be her spiritual covering and this is where it begins. At least once a day, pray audibly together. Here’s an easy way to start: Either at the end of the day or at the beginning, get with your wife. You begin with a one-sentence prayer and then ask her to pray in the same manner. Here’s the one sentence to use:

“God, I thank you for <spouse’s name> because ___________________.”

Fill the blank with one thing. It doesn’t have to be long or elaborate. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. Example: “she works hard at helping me have a relationship with our children.” You can explain or describe, but you don’t have to. That prayer would be enough. Your wife would then do the same thing and fill the blank with her own thought. Here’s the hard part—do not repeat yourself. No doubt you have a list of things ready to go to fill 2-3 weeks of prayer. But when you exhaust that list you will begin to struggle to find something new to say. It is then when you will begin to look at your wife through God’s eyes. There is nothing more intimate, passionate and loving that this prayer time with your wife.

Brothers, it is an honorable calling to be a husband. With God’s help and good communication skills, your wife, in all those ways that God has intended, will bless you.

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